BlogLanding pages

How to write a landing page headline that converts

Five headline formulas for SaaS and startup landing pages, with before-and-after examples, the subheadline and button that go with them, and a checklist to test yours in five minutes.

AlexFounder, Qlark Studio

5 min read

A founder at a kitchen table with a legal pad full of crossed-out headline attempts

Visitors decide in seconds whether a page is for them, and the headline does most of that work. A good one names who it is for and what they get. A weak one names a category, a slogan or the company, and leaves the visitor to work out the rest.

This guide shows what changes when you rewrite a headline, five formulas that work for SaaS and startup pages, how the subheadline and the button carry the same promise, and how to test the result.

Why the headline does most of the work

A man on a bus glancing at a landing page on his phone, thumb already near the edge of the screen
Most visitors give a page one glance before they decide to stay or leave.

Nielsen Norman Group found that users often leave web pages within 10–20 seconds. Pages with a clear value proposition hold attention much longer, but it has to come across in the first 10 seconds.

Ten seconds is enough to read a headline, glance at the image next to it and maybe the subheadline. If those three do not tell the visitor what the product does and why it matters to them, the proof, features and pricing below never get read.

Before and after

BeforeAfterWhy it works
The future of team collaborationShip projects without status meetingsAn outcome, not a category
AI-powered invoicing platformGet paid in days, not monthsThe result the buyer wants
Welcome to AcmeBookkeeping for freelancers, done in 10 minutes a monthWho it is for, plus a concrete promise

Each “before” describes the company from the inside: what category it is in, what technology it uses, what it is called. Each “after” describes the visitor’s life once the product works. That shift, from what you are to what they get, does most of the work.

Five formulas

Hands sorting a spread of handwritten index cards on a table, one card pulled out of the row
Write ten versions, one per card, then pick the one a stranger understands fastest.
  1. Outcome“Get [result] without [pain].”
  2. Audience“[Product type] for [specific people].”
  3. Speed“[Result] in [time].”
  4. Contrast“[Old way], minus [the worst part].”
  5. Question“Still [painful task] by hand?” Use sparingly.

Use the formulas to generate options, not as the final line. Write two or three versions with each, read them out loud, and keep the one that sounds like something your customer would say to a colleague.

Outcome and audience headlines work for most SaaS products. Speed works when time is the real pain, such as bookkeeping or onboarding. Contrast works when buyers already use a slow or expensive alternative. Questions are easy to overuse: they only work when the visitor would answer “yes” immediately.

Write it in plain words

Unbounce’s SaaS benchmark report found that pages written at a 5th to 7th-grade reading level convert at 12.9%, while professional-level copy converts at 2.1%. The headline is where that matters most, because it is the first sentence anyone reads.

  • Swap jargon for the result. “AI-powered workflow orchestration” becomes “Your weekly reports, written for you”.
  • Use the customer’s words. Pull phrases from sales calls, support tickets and reviews. They describe the problem the way buyers search for it.
  • Cut the adjectives. “Powerful”, “innovative” and “all-in-one” add length without adding meaning.
  • Prefer numbers to claims. “Done in 10 minutes a month” says more than “fast and easy”.

The subheadline and the button

The headline makes the promise. The two lines around it have to back it up:

  • The subheadline answers “how?” One or two sentences on what the product does to deliver the promise. This is where the feature belongs.
  • The button continues the promise. “Start sending invoices” keeps the thread; “Submit” or “Learn more” drops it.
  • The image shows it working. A real product screen next to the headline turns the promise into something the visitor can see.

The shift from what you are to what they get does most of the work.

Test yours

Five-minute test

The quickest test needs no tools. Show the first screen to someone outside your company for five seconds, hide it, and ask what the product does and who it is for. If they cannot answer, rewrite before you spend on traffic.

A/B test it with real traffic

Two colleagues at one monitor comparing two versions of the same page side by side
Test big differences, such as outcome against audience, not one word against another.

Once the page has steady traffic, test the headline against a real alternative. Keep everything else the same, so the result tells you something about the message.

  • Test big differences. An outcome headline against an audience headline teaches you more than swapping one word.
  • Split by traffic source. Email visitors already know you; ad visitors do not. A headline can win with one group and lose with the other.
  • Wait for enough conversions. Judge a test on hundreds of conversions, not a handful, or you are reading noise.

For what a good result looks like, see SaaS landing page conversion rates.

FAQ

What makes a good landing page headline?

It tells the right visitor, in one line, what they get. Name an outcome or the audience, not a feature or a category.

How long should a landing page headline be?

Short enough to fit on two lines on a phone. Put the detail in the subheadline.

Should the headline include the product name?

Usually not. The logo already shows the name. Use the headline for what the visitor gets.

Should I A/B test my headline?

Yes, once the page has enough traffic. Test big differences, such as outcome versus audience, not single words.

Who writes the headline when I hire a designer?

It depends on the offer. Many designers work from the copy you send. At Qlark, the copy structure, including the headline, is part of the launch page.

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